Poetry of Life Series - A Cry of the Heart

By Todd Royce Gubler

Nobody knows and really most don’t care
Few stop to see what’s really happening there

Sometimes in desperation I lie down and cry
And sometimes it’s so bad I just wish I could die

I feel the darkness enter and attempt to consume
I guess demons want me sad, at least I assume

At times like this so lonely, I can’t continue on
Wishing for comfort and longing to belong

Why is life so empty and why is life so sad
Why is the world so full of hate, why is it so bad

I question why my lot is mine and search desperately for peace
And the answer that I always find is whispered to sweet relief

God alone is Master and very much in control
Everything has reason that sometimes only He knows

And then I feel the darkness break and feel the light begin
And deep inside I feel at peace just knowing I have Him.

Chapter 1 - Part 4 - The Shady Lane

We continued down the lane and I became aware that we had turned on to a different lane, one lined now with massive ancient shady oak trees. I noticed there were walls lining both sides of the lane. I guess my eyes and mind were so busy taking in and absorbing the great beauty of the canopy of blooms that I hadn’t had time or mental capacity to see beyond the edges of the lane before on the luminous blossom laden lane we had been on. The walls on either side of this shady green lane were very tall and were finely built of red brick. Gorgeous green ivy and lush moss covered most of these towering walls. I would estimate they were approximately 10 to 12 feet tall. The ivy and moss made it evident that these walls were very antique and had been here along with the great trees for quite some time. Elegant brick pillars supported these tall walls and each pillar was finished with an ornate finial. Even though this lane was shady, it like the other lane had a luminescence to everything from the leaves of the giant trees to the delicate moss and ivy. It was an elegant lane completely detailed with every shade of green imaginable. The next thing I knew we had stopped in the middle of the lane. I peered around. The wall was completely overgrown with ivy here and I was in awe of the massive reach of the towering ancient oaks. These oaks created so much shade that is was almost dark here was it not for the glow of all the energy from all the life that surrounded me. The lane had been so meticulously trimmed and cared for up to this point but now as I stood and looked, the property in front of me looked a bit neglected compared to the rest of the neighborhood. I was wondering why we had stopped and here of all places. Then I noticed that the sidewalk we were on, although mostly covered with a layer of moss, un-raked leaves, and debris, seemed to have an intersecting walk that led to the street. I felt that this was the entrance to something that had long been forgotten. With my foot I scraped away some of the debris and noticed this walk seemed to lead to nowhere as it disappeared right into the overgrown ivy that covered the tall, tall wall. I thought, “What should we do now?” and as if the Spirit felt my thoughts I received a powerful feeling of familiarity. I exclaimed, “I know this place, I know this place! I have been here before…Help me clear this ivy.” I immediately started to struggle and pull at the ivy that covered the wall as if searching for some long lost treasure.

Chapter 1- Part 3 - The Luminous Lane

Our pace slowed to that of a casual walk and the details of my surroundings became evident. We were now walking side by side down a meticulously manicured lane. The lane meandered ahead and was lined by the most stunning trees. They had ancient, gnarled, crooked trunks that supported the most spectacular canopy of peach blossoms I have ever seen. They were similar to the blossoms of a peach tree but it was if each blossom was illuminated and the entire lane seemed to glow this delicate pink hue -even the blossoms that had fallen to the ground and covered the lane itself. Everything seemed to emit its own light and energy and everything glowed. It was absolutely amazing and again I cannot describe in words the shear and utter perfection of these trees. The smell was so sweet and pleasing and seemed to beckon one to continue up the lane. I felt so comfortable and graceful as we quietly sauntered further up the now winding lane. The trees were evenly spaced on each side of the lane for as far as one could see. I noticed that around the base of each of these trees was a ring of burgundy and white flowers. They reminded me of petunias and the simplicity of the landscape made it even more elaborate. The lawn that ran along each side of the lane was the most exquisite emerald green and it, like the blossoms above, seemed to generate its own luminescent glow. The entire landscape seemed to be glowing. Mind you now, it was complete daylight outside and the sky was crystal clear and blue, but everything was casting additional light and illumination. We stopped and stepped up onto the slate curb and across the lane’s lawn to the walk. It was made of 3 foot by 3 foot granite slabs that were almost seamlessly placed alongside each other. We walked a short distance on the sidewalk and then stopped at an old ornate park bench. The Spirit gracefully sat down and I felt quietly compelled to do the same. From this vantage point I could see down the hill we had just traversed and across the wide valley below. We had come a great distance in just a matter of moments, yet I had felt completely unrushed. We had come so far and the site of that amazing lane snaking its way down through the foothills, lined by what had to be thousands of pink blooming trees made my heart sing with praise and joy. The thought came very clearly to my consciousness, “Thank you God, for bringing me to this place.” The Spirit that was guiding me stood up and patted me on the back and without saying anything motioned for me to follow, and I did.

We walked a short distance and came to the crest of the hill. Now I could see what seemed to be forever in all directions. Back toward where we had come from I could see the now dim lights of the city we had left, now just a faintly sparkling gem dulled in comparison to the illumination of the brilliant landscape I was standing in. But looking in the opposite direction of the city was a spectacular valley, full of trees, meadows, lakes, and streams. A question was posed here by the Spirit. This is again something I find almost impossible to explain as the Spirit never actually audibly said anything but I almost seemed to feel its thoughts and know its desires. The question was which way I wished to continue. Back toward the city or forward into the beautiful valley. My answer came quickly and we proceeded forward into the brilliance of the beautiful forest valley away from the dull city.

Chapter 1 - Part 2 - Leaving the World Behind

The other day I had what some my call a dream or vision, well sort of, for you see I was completely awake, yet I was in a very magical place. You see my mind was alive with thought and inspiration and my soul was bursting forth to express itself. Having just left Margaret’s office, I couldn’t bear to go home and face the poor energy of my less than inspiring roommates. I did not know where to go so I settled for my health club. Not the sort of place one expects to have a vision but to be honest I never thought of myself as a man who would have visions. I was sitting in the men’s Jacuzzi at the Athletic Club. The club was busier than usual it seemed, yet I found myself completely oblivious to my surroundings. I was sitting in that pool of warm water, but it was as if I was floating above myself peering down. I know it must sound strange to someone reading this but it felt completely normal. I was looking down at my own body. It was as if I was able to occupy two spaces at once. My spirit was above my physical body and I was not the least bit concerned. I continued to rise and soon I was above the building and amazingly I could still see myself sitting in that Jacuzzi right through the roof. This for some reason felt completely normal to me. Soon my focus left the building and I quietly realized I was moving away from the club. I found myself going down a very busy city street, one that I did not recognize for it seemed dark, dreary and actually quite dirty and ominous. Even as I sit and edit this account years later the details are crystal clear. It amazes me how crisp the experience is, as if it has been permanently etched into every cell of my soul. I was with an entity that I can only describe as a Spirit. This Spirit seemed to be in a great hurry and I realized we were effortlessly moving through these dark city streets with haste. Again it seems odd because we were not walking or running just moving along without exerting any physical effort. As strange as this seems to write, in this experience I found it to feel completely natural and familiar. It was as if we were hurrying away from the hustle and bustle. We didn’t communicate but I knew that I must follow and felt the urgency of this Spirit’s mission. Soon I realized we were traveling so fast that I could not make out the details of the buildings or my surroundings as they were so blurred as we hurried by. It was similar to looking at a landscape as you speed down a freeway. Soon I realized our pace was slowing and I glanced back over my shoulder and realized that we had left the city and that we were now in the foothills above the city. The city was but a distant glow. It was strange though as it was a dirty, dark glow. I looked back only briefly and continued my journey away from this dark place.